Secrets, Lies and Indecent Proposals
by Scription Addict
Summary: Major kleenex warning, Boyd and Grace, a big secret a lie and an indecent proposal, read on for more.


A FB challenge set by Joodiff, to me, requirements are as below.

Disclaimer - I own nothing, I steal everything.

Dedicated to the OHT, as always, you're all awesome, and to JaSu78, for tha fanastic Beta services.

* * *

><p>OK, here ya go: BG at any point pre-"Double Bind", a hot day by the river, a secret, a lie and an indecent proposal. 5000 words max, rating up to you.

* * *

><p>It was a warm night, a very warm night, but it didn't seem to be bothering the occupants of the large double bed in a large terraced house in north London. The thin sheet that was barely covering them was moving rapidly as they rolled over and over beneath it, battling for supremacy. As he thrusts, she arches; as he kisses, she bites; and as he roars, she glows. Glows in the aftermath of the most amazing sex she has ever had. He collapses on top of her, still joined in the most intimate of ways, breathless and sweaty, the air outside is hot and still and inside that room it's even hotter, clammy and sticky with a hint of the most primal of scents hanging in the air.<p>

Eventually he lifts his head, still slightly breathless, he smiles and presses his lips against hers for another post coital kiss - a kiss that's tender and silent, yet speaks volumes. And as they separate and he rolls onto his back he pulls her with him, he holds her tenderly in his arms, makes swirly patterns up and down her back with his hand as he stares at the ceiling. Neither of them speak, what is there to say? They just had spontaneous and energetic sex - they've never done it before, not together at least, and it wasn't planned. It started out as a quiet drink, a debrief after a heavy day, but then as always that turned into an argument, a shouting match to be more precise. He belittled her work, she belittled him, and after a shouting match worthy of gold medals they ended up kissing. That led to a heavy petting session on the sofa, and that led to a monumental roll in the sheets, and now they lay together, silently, listening to each other's breathing, waiting to see who speaks first; who will be the first to utter those words, "it shouldn't have happened", but in the end no one says it, they lay in silence until they drift off to sleep.

The next morning she wakes alone, the bed cold, he has clearly been gone sometime and the sheet is pulled around her, something he obviously did before he left. She gets out of bed, she never sleeps naked, and the fact that she is naked this morning causes her to remember with a smile the activities of the previous night. She thinks to herself, if it never happens again, and she doubts it will, it won't matter, she's had him, and had him in spectacular fashion. It's not something she will forget in a hurry. She heads downstairs to make some tea, and as she does she notices a note on the table.

"_Sorry I had to leave before you woke up, you looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you. Meet me for lunch, follow the directions on the other side, and just bring yourself. Oh and by the way, no I don't!"_

He had drawn a rather crude looking map on the other side of the piece of paper, directions to a place rather than a restaurant or pub. She was intrigued, but had no doubt that she would go.

* * *

><p>It was another hot day and she dressed casually in a long summery skirt and top. She drove to the location on the map, well, as close as she <em>could<em> drive, the last part was a ten minute walk down to a secluded and quite pretty spot along the river. As she got closer to the water she could see him sat on the ground, a picnic blanket spread out in front of him, and an old fashioned picnic hamper on the blanket. As he saw her approaching he got up and walked towards her, pecking her lightly on the cheek as she got to him.

"You made it then?" He asked.

"Yep, I made it, so what's this all about?"

"Well, I gathered that you would want to talk after last night, you'd want to dissect and pick over the bits, until there was nothing left to talk about. So I figured why not bring you here, one of my favourite places, a glass of wine, a picnic and then stroll along the riverbank - a perfect afternoon."

"You never struck me as the picnic type?"

"Well, I think there's quite a lot about me that you don't know, things that I think you should know, and things that I would like you to know."

"Such as?"

"Well how about we sit down and have a drink first."

"Okay."

He held his hand out to her and guided her to the picnic rug, where they both sat and enjoyed a glass of chilled wine and Boyd's smoked salmon bagels, followed by fresh strawberries.

"So what is it that you want me to know?" She asked after a while.

He leans towards her and kisses her, his hand on her face, his eyes gazing lovingly into hers. "I want more, Grace."

"I'm sorry?" She asks a little taken aback.

"I want more."

"More than what?"

"More than just one night with you, I want a relationship."

"We slept together Peter; it's hardly the romance of the century."

"That doesn't mean that it can't be. Come on Grace, you want this as much as I do, I could tell that last night."

"What does that mean; you could tell that last night?"

"Grace it was bloody explosive, don't tell me you didn't enjoy it and you couldn't feel how electrifying it was."

"Yes it was amazing, and electrifying, but that doesn't mean it will be like that again. We were angry with each other, it was make up sex Peter, nothing more. It was just a one off."

"It doesn't have to be, we could have it all Grace, a life together."

"It isn't what I want. I have no regrets about last night, I wanted you as much as you wanted me, and it was bloody great, but it was just a one off. I don't want anything else, I'm sorry."

"I don't believe you, you're lying." All of a sudden he lurches forward and kisses her forcefully, pushing her back onto the picnic blanket and pinning her down. She doesn't resist, and she kisses him with as much force and passion as he kisses her. After ten or so minutes of kissing and groping each other, they pull apart, slightly breathless. He smiles at her, and leans down and kisses her again, this time it's softer, slower, more eroticism, less force. "Are you still saying this isn't what you want?"

"A quick tumble on a picnic blanket isn't going to change my mind, I'm sorry."

"Then I want an explanation, there must be a reason for this. How can you make love to me like you did last night, and then say it didn't mean anything?"

"I didn't say that, what I said was that I didn't want anything more than last night."

"Why?"

"It isn't just about this, about us. There is more to it."

"Then tell me what it is, I want a bloody reason Grace." He said in his usual brash and loud voice.

"I've been offered another job, a dream job that I cannot turn down."

"You're leaving the unit?"

"Yes, I've been trying to tell you for a while. I have already handed in my resignation, and I was trying to tell you last night."

"You're leaving me?"

"No, I'm leaving the unit Peter, not you. I have already made my decision."

"How can you do this to me? How could you let last night happen when you knew you were leaving?"

"I didn't intend for last night to happen, it just did, neither of us tried to stop it happening."

"But I'm not the one who's leaving, you are. I don't understand this, what is it you're not telling me Grace? Is there someone else? Is that what this is about?"

"No there's no one else, it's a job offer, one I want to accept. I don't want to start a relationship with you that won't last."

"Why can't it last? We could see how things pan out, and if we have a future together then I'll move with you. I'll go where ever you want to go, do whatever you want to do. We can make this work if we want to."

"But I don't want to."

"So what the hell do you want?"

"I want to be able to walk away and not look back, a clean break."

"Damn you Grace!" He got up and walked away, as he got to his car he shouted back at her, "This isn't over, I'm not giving up."

Grace sat for a while and stared at the water. She knew she was hurting him, but what other option was there? What choice did she have? Better to hurt him this way than hurt him later, when he was more involved, when it would hurt so much more. She gently wiped a stray tear from her cheek and listened as he revved up his engine and pulled the car away at high speed. He hadn't even taken the picnic basket or blanket with him; he'd just gone.

* * *

><p>Over the next couple of weeks they hardly spoke, if anything they avoided each other at all costs. The Home Office had been in touch about a replacement for her but Boyd couldn't even discuss it with them, he was so angry that she was going that he seemed to spend all his time trying to think of ways to make her stay, but nothing he came up with was of any use. He just couldn't think of anything he could say that would make her change her mind, and it was driving him crazy. She wouldn't even tell him about her new job, not where it was, or what she would be doing. He could sense something was wrong, well not <em>wrong<em>, but just not right; he just couldn't work out what it was. He spoke to the others, Spence, Eve, Stella, but none of them knew anything. Of all of them, he thought she might have spoken to Eve, but if Eve knew anything, she wasn't telling him.

* * *

><p>She didn't expect a fuss on her last day. She didn't want a fuss, she would have preferred to go in early and collect her things and leave, but Stella and Spence had other ideas. It was early afternoon when they walked into her office with a few other staff carrying wine and cake and a couple of gift bags. Boyd was conspicuous by his absence - he was in work, but he stayed in his office. He tried his best to ignore the proceedings in the office, but try as he might, he couldn't. He wanted to storm over there and take her in his arms, to beg and plead with her not to leave him, not to disappear from his world, because he was pretty sure he couldn't go on without her in his life. He didn't storm over there, he watched from the safe distance of his office as they all kissed and hugged her, wished her well for the future, and as they disappeared again he watched as just Eve remained. He watched as they sat and talked, the serious expression on Eve's face telling him that she knew more than she was letting on. He was so tempted to log into the CCTV in Grace's office and listen to the conversation, but he didn't, he resisted. Whatever was going on, he would find out, but he would do it the right way.<p>

It was an hour later, when she knocked tentatively on his office door, carrying a box of her belongings. "I just wanted to say goodbye."

He looked up at her, his eyes deep and sorrowful. "That's it, goodbye, after all these years, it's just goodbye."

"Oh for god's sake Boyd, please don't start this again. I'm leaving, moving on, job done, there is nothing more to say."

"Fine, goodbye, have a nice life." As he said the words he returned his eyes to the file on his desk, only looking up again when he heard the door slam with such ferocity that he was surprised the glass was still in place. With her gone he put his head in his hands; he didn't cry or shout and scream, he just sat with his head in his hands and wondered what the hell he was going to do now.

He sat like that for what seemed like hours, staring into space or with his head still in his hands, then he was out of his seat and on his way to the lab, he knew Eve hadn't left yet, and he also knew that she knew more than she was saying. Well it was time to stop pussy footing around, he wanted the truth, and he wanted it now.

He grabbed a white coat from the rail and was still putting it on when he marched into the lab. "Eve? Eve?" He bellowed.

"What? I'm here, what's wrong?"

"What the hell is going on with Grace, and don't give me any shit about her wonderful new job that she couldn't turn down, I want to know the bloody truth."

"I only know what you know."

"Bollocks. I saw you talking to her in her office earlier. You know what's really going on, I could see it on your face. Now either you tell me, or I'm going round to her house and banging on her front door until she lets me in."

"It's not for me to say okay, if she doesn't want you to know then it's her decision."

"No it isn't her decision. I am in love with her, and I asked her to make a life with me, then the next thing I know she's moving on to some magical new life, but she won't tell me where or why. I want the truth Eve, please, just tell me what's going on before it's too late."

Eve looked at her watch and sighed. "It's already too late."

"What? What's that supposed to mean?" He said gesticulating with his hands.

"I think you should sit down, I guess it doesn't matter if I tell you now."

"Tell me what?"

Eve motioned for him to take a seat, and sat down opposite him. "Grace is ill Boyd."

"What do you mean she's ill, what kind of ill?"

"Very ill. Six months ago she started to experience some mild flu like symptoms - muscle weakness, aches and pains, some shortness of breath. At first she thought it was a cold or a bout of flu, but the symptoms didn't go away, and they started to get worse, she started slurring her words when she spoke. She had some tests done, and a couple of months ago she got the results of those tests."

"And?"

"She was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease."

"What?"

"Motor Neurone Disease, it's an incurable disease of the nervous system….."

"Yes I know what it is, but why didn't she tell me? She'll need help, she'll need looking after."

"She doesn't want any of that; she doesn't want any fuss, or anyone to know."

"But she told you."

"No, not exactly. I spotted that something was wrong, picked up on some of the symptoms, after that she confided in me what was wrong."

"So what's she doing? There must be something we can do to look after her."

Eve again looked at her watch. "It isn't what she wants."

"So what _does_ she want? And why do you keep looking at your watch?"

"She wants to do things her way."

"What the hell does that mean? Oh stuff this; I need to go to her."

"She won't be there."

"What? Well where will she be?"

"I'm not sure where she'll be right at this moment."

"Don't give me this shit Eve, where the hell is she?"

"She wants to do things her way, on _her_ terms Boyd, and I think we should respect her wishes."

"Respect what wishes?" His face suddenly took a more desperate look. "Where is she Eve, where is she?" He shouted at her.

"She made an appointment at a clinic in Switzerland, a clinic that specialises in euthanasia."

"No! No no no, she can't do this; we can't let her do it."

"She knows what the future holds for her Boyd, and as devastating as it is, she wanted to make this decision whilst she still had the capability to do it."

"When is she going?"

"She went straight to the airport from work; she had the arrangements already made. She is already on the plane."

"Do you know where she is going to in Switzerland?"

"I can't tell you. I'm sorry I promised."

"Eve don't do this. She can't do this, she needs the people that love her, we can look after her, we can help her."

"She doesn't want that, she wants to make her own decisions."

"Then at least let me go to her, so that she doesn't go through this alone."

"You'll try and stop her, it's only natural, you love her. I tried to talk her out of it myself at first, but it isn't our decision to make, it's her decision."

"Just let me go to her, please Eve?"

"I'll only tell you if you let me come along with you."

"What for?"

"Because I don't want you putting any unnecessary pressure on her. She's of sound mind Boyd, she knows what she wants."

"Okay, now just tell me, please."

"She's gone to a clinic in Zurich; the arrangements have all been made."

"When for, I mean, when will it happen?"

"I'm not sure, but I know where it is."

* * *

><p>Within a couple of hours, the two of them were on a plane to Zurich. As promised he let her accompany him. The flight wasn't long, two hours or so, and once they landed they headed to the clinic that Eve had the address of, Boyd paid the taxi and then they both headed inside. At first they were told they could not give out any information, but on the production of his warrant card, they became a little more forth coming with the information. They were given the address of an apartment that the clinic used for its euthanasia services, it was within walking distance, and they both went straight there.<p>

Boyd knocked lightly on the door and a rather tired looking Grace wearing just a bathrobe and pyjamas opened it. She looked at him in shock, and then looked to Eve. "What the hell have you done? I thought I could trust you."

"You can, I'm sorry Grace. He just wants to talk to you."

"I have nothing to say, now can you just leave me alone please?"

As she went to close the door, Boyd stopped it with his hand. "Please Grace, just talk to me, please?"

She relented and let them in. It was a small holiday style apartment, nothing flash - a bedroom, bathroom, lounge and kitchen, but then it wasn't meant for long stays. They walked into the lounge and Grace sat on the sofa.

"Why don't I make some tea?" Eve said, excusing herself from the room.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked her.

"To avoid this, I don't want this Boyd. I don't want pity or sympathy, I want to make my own decisions, and I want to go out my way."

"But I could look after you, I'll move in with you, take care of you. I won't desert you, I promise."

"Do you think that's what I want? When I'm incontinent, unable to speak or swallow my food, when I need tubes to breathe, do you think I want you to see me like that?"

"It's too soon to make a decision like this. You're still coming to terms with it and you need to let it sink in."

"It _has_ sunk in, I know what will happen, what to expect. I know that I'll start slurring my words and then eventually lose the power of speech. I'll lose control of my bodily functions, be unable to move, need to be fed like a baby, and wear nappies. Then whatever time I have left I'll have to lay in a bed and wait to die, locked in my own mind without the ability to do anything for myself except think. I'll know what's happening and I'll have no control over it."

"It could be years before that happens, we could have _some_ time together. I love you Grace, I don't want to lose you, not like this." He placed his hand on her face tenderly.

"If you love me, then you'll let me go. Let me do this my way, whilst I can still tell you that I love you too." She placed her hand on his face, and spoke softly to him. "I do love you Peter, and I don't ever want to look at you and be unable to say those words."

"I don't want to let you go, I don't want to lose you."

"Nor I you, but we don't have a choice. I have an incurable illness, we can't stop it, and the best thing you can do for me is to let me go, without a fight, let me slip away." As the tears started to spill from his eyes, she leant forward and pressed her lips to his. "It will be okay, I promise."

He rested his forehead against hers, "When?" he tried to finish the sentence but the words caught in his throat.

"They will bring the drugs around here tonight, and then it's up to me. I don't need you to stay, they will send a nurse to be with me."

"I won't leave you, I promise. Is there anything I can do, for you I mean?"

"Yes, actually there is. Make love to me again."

He smiled at her. "Are you propositioning me?"

"An indecent proposal Boyd, I can't think of anything better to help pass the time."

"I'll give Eve twenty quid and ask her to go to the pictures."

"Ha-ha, do you think twenty quid will cover it."

"I heard that." A voice from the doorway said. "I take it you want me to make myself scarce for a while."

Grace blushed, and Boyd smiled at her. "Just a couple of hours." He said.

"A couple of hours, I'm impressed Boyd." She replied. She put her coat back on and Grace walked her to the door of the apartment. "I know I've said it before, but are you sure this is what you want Grace?"

Grace smiled at her, "yes I'm sure."

"He loves you, you know that don't you?"

"Yes I do, and I love him too. But this is a battle we can't win, no matter what we do."

"Okay, I had to ask."

"I know. Look after him for me Eve, afterwards, I mean."

"I'll try my best; he's not an easy man to look after."

"Something I am very well aware of."

"Bye Grace." Eve said, tears in her eyes.

Grace put her arms around her.

"Bye sweetheart, I'm so sorry it has to be this way."

"Me too." Eve replied, the tears in her eyes now spilling down her face.

"Don't be sad."

"I'll do my best, I'll miss you."

"I love you Eve, and I'll miss you too, but I'll always be with you."

"I love you too." Eve walked out the door and down the hallway, lighting a cigarette as she got outside, the cold breeze hitting her and stinging her already weeping eyes.

* * *

><p>Inside the apartment Grace took Boyd's hand and led him into the bedroom. It was a very clinical looking room, all in white, a large double bed in it. He closed the blinds and they both undressed in silence and climbed into the bed. He kissed her softly, tenderly, his hands gently holding her and touching her. It was a stark contrast to the last time they had made love - then it had been energetic and almost rough. This time it was about love and affection not a physical need. He wanted her to know, to feel, and understand how much he loved her - he wanted their last time to be one neither of them would forget, or ever want to forget. As it became more physical neither of them wanted it to end, and when it did they continued to kiss and hold each other, only breaking apart when there was a knock at the door. He looked at her, they both knew who, or rather what, it was.<p>

He listened from the bedroom as she talked to the nurse giving her the instructions. He dressed himself with the intention of being at her side as they discussed what would happen, but as much as he wanted to be strong for her, he couldn't, and he broke down in tears. He heard the front door close again as the nurse left and Grace returned to the bedroom with the bag in her hand; she instantly put her arms around him, and pulled his head against her breast.

"It will be okay, I promise."

"I'm sorry, I just don't want to say goodbye, not yet."

"I know, and I wish we didn't have to, but we can't put it off forever. You don't have to stay."

"Yes I do, I love you, and I promise I'll stay with you till the end."

"Do you want to know what will happen?"

"I guess I should, can't say that I want to."

"Well, firstly I take this medication, it's an antiemetic drug, and then thirty minutes later I dissolve this powder into a glass of water and drink it, the drink depresses the central nervous system. I will become drowsy and after about ten minutes I'll fall asleep, and then into a coma. After about thirty minutes I'll go into respiratory arrest and just slip away, peacefully, no pain, no suffering, no shouting and screaming. I know it's hard, are you going to be okay with that?"

Boyd simply nodded his head. "Where do you want to do it?"

"In bed, in your arms. I want the last thing I see to be your eyes, and your smile, and the last thing I hear to be your voice."

Grace prepared the medications and took the first dose, they then climbed into bed and Grace lay in his arms, as he told her how much he loved her, constantly reassuring her that it wasn't going to hurt and she didn't need to be scared. The half hour between the two doses seemed to go by in the blink of an eye, and Grace picked up the glass to mix the powder into the water. Before she drank the liquid mixture she looked into his eyes. "If I can't say it after I take this, I want you to know how much I love you, how much I wish we could have had more. I never meant to lie to you about leaving, or to keep this a secret from you. I was trying to protect you, to protect us both, I didn't want to know what I was going to miss out on."

"Shh, it's okay, it doesn't matter, nothing matters except what you want. Are you sure that this is what you want?"

"I don't want to die unable to tell you how much I love you; I want to die on my terms, in your arms."

He nodded his head at her, trying to stay strong. "I love you." He said and then watched as she drank the liquid that would end her life. "I won't leave you I promise, I love you, okay, I'll always love you, and I'll never forget you, remember that." He held her in his arms, and repeated the words "I love you" until she slowly fell asleep; when she was asleep he continued to hold her, and to repeat the words. She never made another sound, she just slowly drifted away, and he continued to hold her long after she lost consciousness and long after she stopped breathing. He hoped that, as she wished, the last thing she heard was his voice, telling her he loved her.

It was a couple of hours later when Eve returned to the apartment. She was pretty sure that by that time it would all be over. She knocked on the door quietly, and waited until it was opened by Boyd, wearing just his shorts.

"She's gone Eve, she's gone." It was all he could say. Eve put her arms around him and pulled him into a hug. Holding him for as long as he would allow, she then went into the bedroom where Grace's body was.

"She looks like she's just sleeping." She said to him. She went over to the bed and sat on the edge of it, checking for her pulse, just to be sure, before taking Grace's hand in hers. "I'll never forget you Grace, never." She said before leaning forward and kissing her. "Goodbye my friend." With that she left the room and contacted the clinic who would take care of all that needed to be done. As she did so Boyd returned to the bed, and held her for as long as he could, letting go of her only when the clinic staff arrived.

Before he left he kissed her for the last time, "Bye my sweet Grace, I'll always love you."

Fin


End file.
